2/14/26:
Mi Amor,
1,114 miles
That is the average distance you and I are separated by every day. Throughout the past year, I so desperately wished to close this distance we have between each other. I wanted nothing more than to be by your side as your birthday gift.
I’m so sorry I’m not there with you.
I think about our distance and I feel overcome with a wave of sadness, guilt, and regret. I can’t forgive myself for our encounter, I regret not fully committing myself to you.
Even so, I am also filled with a sense of hope.
I’m filled with hope when we speak. I’m filled with hope when we text, when we watch a movie, when we play games, when we send each other little romance memes, when I appreciate your art, when I read the letters you’ve sent, when I look at the trinkets you’ve gifted me, when I carry the bones you gave me in my bag, when I smell your scent on the dolls you made, when I dream of you.
I’m filled with hope when I think about our bond. I feel as though our souls have known each other way before we ever met. I feel as though my spirit relies on the well being of yours. Since we met, my whole life has changed, as if we were destined to converge. I may not be well versed in spirituality, but when I interact with you, I feel as though you take me there. I’ve never felt so open to anyone. I feel as though I could let you see right through me. I’m obsessed with the feeling I get with you.
All this to say that I’m still deeply in love with you. My feelings have not wavered. I madly obsess over every fiber of your being and I can’t get enough.
I love so many things about you, your voice, the way you laugh, the way you scream when you get freaked out, the way you burp and go ‘scuse me, your art and creativity, your nerdy interests, the way you hyperfixate on niche pieces of media, the way you care for animals and the living creatures of earth, your strength and resilience to face each day, your all captivating and gorgeous eyes, and above all, your soul. You radiate an energy that I could only compare to a divine being.
I’m so very grateful to have met you again. To have you in my life is a blessing, and I will always hold onto the hope that everything will work itself out. That destiny will bring us together. I hold onto the hope that I will be able to show my love to you.
3/17/26:
You are a delicate beauty of soul and light,
Yearning to be free beyond any bounds limited and finite,
In my futile attempts to court your radiance,
I find myself flustered, lacking, and undeserving of your audience,
Souls tethered far, tested through turbulent trials,
To dismiss the entanglement of us both would be foolish denial,
Though I may falter and stumble in your gorgeous glow,
It is your effulgence that bewilders me beyond what I know,
And if I stand unworthy in your endless grace,
Still, I would choose this longing over any other place
-Chris
